Category Archives: Mia Moore Guest Post

Mia Moore Guest Post: Ice Cream, Ebooks, and News Years at The O Zone

Toronto swingers blog

It started January 1, 2014. That was the day, driving home in the car from Toronto; the idea of a novel featuring a New Year’s Eve at the O Zone took shape. I was still high on the experience I’d had there the night before, which became the wee hours of the present day.

What a great place for the characters of my most popular novel to visit!

I was on fire and wound the book up in three short weeks!  ‘Banging in the New Year, Swingers O Zone Bash was barely published as an E-book, when I decided to contact Matt and Amanda and send them a copy. Now, almost 12 months and many ‘Lifestyle’ books later, I’m still excited about New Year’s at the O Zone! I’m planning to party once more with my husband and dear friends. Can’t wait!

Sometimes I think of sex like it’s a flavor of ice cream. I actually did some research on the most popular ice cream flavours.  (Coming up with blog ideas is sometimes difficult, so cut me some slack, will ya.)

  • Vanilla: Surprisingly, Vanilla is the all-time favourite, with 29% of people weighing in.  Just like regular monogamous sex between a man and woman, by far the most prevalent type, the preference for vanilla, is a reflection of that.
  • Chocolate: It’s the next favourite- 8.9%. For me, this would be like BDSM kink, very strong and dark, to be sampled in small doses. Don’t ask Jian Ghomeshi for his opinion on this one.
  • Butter Pecan: A favourite of 5.3% of people. I’m trying to find a sexual style to compare this flavor with and I’m drawing a blank, even though I like the taste.
  • Strawberry: Yummy! Preferred by 5.3% of people sampled in the article I read, it’s a flavor I equate with swinging. It’s fresh, like the berries in June! The sweetness is like vanilla but the delicious, red berry casts the sweetness in a tantalizing and enticing way—the same way a couple’s sex life is enhanced in the Lifestyle!.
  • Chocolate Chip: Mostly vanilla sex, but dabbles in dungeons.
  • French vanilla: 3.8%. What’s the population in the province of Quebec?
  • Cookies ‘n Cream: If you get your cookies off, the result is lots of cream.
  • Cherry: Lost mine long time ago. It was sweet but tart at the time. I’ve graduated to another red flavor, strawberry.
  • Rocky Road: I’ve seen this flavor in action. It’s what happens when a couple goes to a club and they’re not on the same page in their relationship. It’s a rocky road home that night. Always check in with each other before pushing boundaries.

Enough talk of ice cream! My ass gets bigger just thinking of it. Which makes me think of body image…This is a huge factor for people thinking of getting into the Lifestyle. Let’s face it, not everyone looks like Jennifer Lopez or Brad Pitt- thank God! Wouldn’t the world be boring if we did?

It’s all about attitude, baby! People will notice your smile, your confidence strutting an extra few pounds in your caboose before they’ll notice anything else. Well, maybe the valley of cleavage between the mounds of a generous bust line, if they’re anything like my hubby-doo. But I’ve seen him get quite the chubby watching confident, body-generous women, work it. As for me, a guy’s eyes, his sense of humor (Okay, I’ve been accused of being Jessica Rabbit!) and smile warm me up more than a six pack set of abs.

The French have a great saying – ‘Bien dans sa peau’- being comfortable in your skin (a lot of guys have told me they’d be comfortable in my skin LOL)! It’s a feat of confidence that makes you happy, while at the same time, speaks volumes in terms of exuding pure, unadulterated, sexiness.

What’s more, Yves Ste Laurent, the ultra cosmetic and perfume guru, once said “The most beautiful makeup of a woman is passion.” If you don’t believe me, believe Yves.

Passion and fun are what I know I’ll get at the O Zone on New Year’s Eve. I hope to see you there. Bring the strawberry ice cream.

Mia Moore Guest Post: About The “Lifestyle” Umbrella Term

Toronto swingers blog

When you hear the term ‘Lifestyle’, generally the concept refers to alternative sexuality—alternative to vanilla. But if you used the word when speaking with an aficionado of the BDSM world the mental image is much different than the one a swinger would immediately call to mind.

Both worlds are cornerstones of each end of the spectrum. If I were to use a colour wheel, BDSM would be a deep, almost black shade of red, while swinging would be orange tiptoeing into yellow.

I’ve experienced both sides in the dynamic of ‘Lifestyle’. It’s been my experience that the BDSM folks characterize their play as deeply sexual and erotic, involving the largest sexual organ in the body—the mind. TRUST is a huge element in the dynamic between a Dominant and submissive. A paradox that I noticed in BDSM, involves the power exchange. While the submissive person, bound and whipped appears to be the least powerful in a BDSM scene, they actually hold the most power. Either of the two parties can halt the scene at their discretion but in order for the scene to happen, the submissive needs to trust and surrender for it to begin in the first place.

Okay, so what has this got to do with swinging? This is a blog about swinging, right?

Trust is a huge element in the Swinging lifestyle as well. For a couple to delve into sexual activity with other people, they must trust in the strength of their relationship. Both people in that couple must desire the experience as a way to enhance their relationship. Like the BDSM participants, both hold the power to halt further action if the trust or attraction isn’t there.

For many purists in the BDSM lifestyle, physical sex does not enter into a scene. Yet, ask a person who’s been involved in BDSM for a while and they will tell you it is HIGHLY sexual, the interplay between a Dominant and submissive. The act of surrendering power, allowing yourself to experience pain, at the hands of another is the ultimate sexual release, involving your mind and soul. I have witnessed the powerful state of a submissive beaten to the point where they ‘fly’ or enter sub-space, so I believe this to be true.

For me, the feeing most akin to this in the swinging lifestyle is the closeness a couple experience when they watch each other achieve orgasm at the hands of another. What could be a devastating scenario if done in a strictly monogamous, vanilla couple relationship, becomes a powerful connection between partners in a swinging couple. The foreplay and afterplay in the weeks before and after such an event are like shock-waves, that bond and excite the swinging couple.

Although the BDSM world and the swinging stage seem to be polar opposites, there are elements of commonality in my mind. People in the Lifestyle, and please note I use the term as an umbrella term that encompasses both ends of the spectrum, tend to be open and accepting of diverse behavior in the sexual realm. Of course, consent between adult people is a given—anything other than this cannot enter the picture.

I’ll always remember an incident when I first discovered the BDSM side of the Lifestyle. An older man responded to my question about one of the guys at the party, who wore what appeared to be a leather skirt. It was my first party, okay? Anyway, his answer was off-hand, casual and accepting of the guy’s kink. Oh wow! Would, that society as a whole be so non-judgmental… Maybe gay bashing and other narrow, mean spirited behavior would never occur.

People in the Lifestyle usually don’t advertize that fact. Just as homosexual men and women once left the closet at their peril, the public acceptance of Lifestylers isn’t quite there yet. I foresee a time when it will be. Remember, it wasn’t that long ago that being gay carried a huge stigma. Today, there are popular television programs where a gay couple is the star of the show. Who would have guessed thirty years ago that this would happen?

Styles change, morals evolve over time. Does it mean we’re all going to hell in a hand basket? I don’t think so. Perhaps we’re just growing up as a society, learning that there are alternatives to the ways and experiences of the past.

I think Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr. said it best:

“A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions.”

Always,

Mia Moore

Social Media: Feel free to visit with me online!

My Blog: http://miamooreauthor.blogspot.ca/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mia.moore.7503314

Mia Moore Guest Post: Swingers Statistics 101 – These Stats May Surprise You!

Toronto swingers blog

Just how many people are in the Lifestyle and how have the numbers changed over time? This is a question I decided to explore for my post this month. I’ll try to keep it light and sexual as opposed to dry and well…statistical. That may be hard but bear with me.

First of all, what area of the world contains the most swinger clubs?

North America?

Europe?

Asia?

South America?

If you guessed Asia, you win, and so do the happy swinging couples living there. Actually, I’m quoting a study,  http://free-swingers.org/analytics.html, that includes erotic massage parlors, couples and singles swinging clubs, so many of these Asians, may only be benefitting from a full body, COMPLETE massage. Did I say only? It sounds pretty hot to me!

Europe, with 462 establishments, lagging Asia by 38, comes second. It’s strange but the authors of the data do not give statistics for the US as a whole, but counting up the number of clubs that are broken down by state, the total is 3,479, so we find the REAL winner here. Sorry folks, Canada weighed in at only 12.

According to Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality, Volume 3, Oct. 10, 2000 (www.ejhs.org) 15 percent of Americans have engaged in swinging.  Note the date of this study—14 years ago! They get their statistics from NASCA. (North American Swing Club Association) This study also cites statistics garnered in 1974 that only 1 percent of couples at that time had ever engaged in swinging.  So what about now?

The Kinsey Institute states that 4 million people in the USA are swingers. With numbers like that, it’s no wonder that a HUGE industry in niche travel has developed.

There’s no need to cite the reasons that couples opt for swinging when you consider that 41 percent of married couples have committed infidelity at some point in their relationship. (http://www.statisticbrain.com/infidelity-statistics/)  According to this source, a further 68 percent of women and 74 percent of men stated that they would have an affair if there was zero chance of their spouse ever finding out.

I don’t know about you, but I find that number very sad. It’s sad for the person being deceived as well as for the person who wants to have extra marital sex.

Another interesting number that popped up in my research was that about half of the couples who go to swinger’s clubs are quite content to just watch. The eroticism of the evening kick starts their sex lives into over-drive in the week leading up to the night as well as a pleasant hang-over effect during the week following. That’s a hang-over that I like!

Is there a swinger profile? Who are we and what do we do for a living? The same study conducted by Bergstrand and Williams in the Journal of Human Sexuality, states that

Demographically, swingers appear to be surprisingly mainstream, even conservative, in their characteristics. They have been found to be predominantly conservative to moderate in political orientation and to identify with the Republican party.

The majority fall into the middle to upper-middle classes and tend to be in professional and management positions 

Over 90 percent of Swingers are white and middle-aged…the mean age of swingers [was found] to be 39 years.

Please note that this study was done fourteen years ago. The current information age with clubs, swinger contacts, how to articles in abundance are now available with the click of your mouse while snuggling naked with your partner. It’s not hard for me to conclude that at the present time more and more people are dipping their toes and other parts into the Lifestyle and the age range has expanded to include people in their twenties and sixties.

Swinging is not yet as mainstream as homosexuality has become. When I say mainstream in this fashion, I’m talking about how the major media generally has an approach to the Lifestyle somewhere between ‘OMG!’ and ‘Eeew!’ I believe that we’re yet to be respected, let alone accepted by mainstream media. On the other hand, online web podcasts are growing significantly, and not just the Playboy streams either.

I do believe that acceptance of the Lifestyle, becoming more mainstream is on the cusp —just a little nudge over the hump and we’re going to be there. And why not! Personally, I have more respect for a man or woman who are honest with each other, and share what is a fundamental and exciting gift—their sexuality, than the people who sneak around, lying and cheating on their partners.

Now it’s time to get all feminist on you. The fact that in the Lifestyle, the uterus rules is a comforting thought for me. Sure, the male may initially spark the interest in trying a club, but it’s the female who keeps the couple coming back. If I’m not comfortable with a scene or couple, I can put the brakes on anything developing, no questions asked. Having said that, I also respect Spike’s limits and preferences. We’re a team and we’re there to enhance our relationship, not take one for the team.

This is why the Lifestyle works for us and from the way the numbers are growing, it works for many people. I wish I had the statistic of Canada’s numbers. Any Canadian sex researchers out there? Maybe, I’ll have to do my own study. Hell, it’s almost September and maybe years of school have sparked the topic of my blog today-Stats 101.

Always,

Mia Moore

Social Media: Feel free to visit with me online!

My Blog: http://miamooreauthor.blogspot.ca/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mia.moore.7503314