Category Archives: Mia Moore Guest Post

Mia Moore Guest Post – In The Bush

Toronto swingers blog

No, I’m not talking about Hedo North, although I’d like to schedule a vacation at the resort and who knows…maybe write a book about it!  Writing Banging in the New Year-Swingers O Zone Bash was almost as much fun as playing at the club that night.

There’s been a lot of talk lately about shaving versus going for a more natural look in women’s grooming of the pussy. I’m not sure if this was sparked by Cameron Diaz’s comment in her book, The Body Book: The Law of Hunger, The Science of Strength and Other Ways to Love your Amazing Body,

“Your pubic hair is a mysterious, confusing, pretty, furry door (more like a beaded curtain?) to your vagina, and you should never remove it because one day someone’s going to want to get in there and they’ll probably enjoy their stay more if they have to hunt around for the entrance, like they’re entering a genital speakeasy.”

In my research of this hairy issue, I came across an article where Gwyneth Paltrow, on the Ellen show talks about last minute shaving in order to wear a dress for the Premier of Iron Man. She said she went from feeling beautiful to feeling humiliated. This led to comments about candid photos on the internet of Demi Moore’s forest. I know Hollywood tends to set the standard in terms of beauty trends, and it isn’t surprising that even the Guardian (January 14 2014) had an article on this that’s been shared 34,000 times on Facebook as well as Tweeted about over 700 times.

I know you’re going to do a Google search to see Demi Moore’s Genital Triangle (not be confused with the Bermuda one) and if you’re like me, you’ll almost experience whiplash when you see it. The first thought that popped into my head was Larry David in Curb Your Enthusiasm. There was a whole hilarious episode where he and Cheryl had oral sex and one of her pubic hairs got caught in his throat and clung to the inside of his esophagus over the entire episode.

Okay, so what about us—the people who live sexy? Do we buck the trend that started in the 90’s, which many people feel was sparked by the porn industry? For most people in their twenties, a smooth, bald playground is the norm—they can’t conceive of anything but that. Privates are private and it’s a personal preference decision for women, providing you’re not a Hollywood actress. But for some of us, the pubes make an appearance in the public forum at Lifestyle events.

What is the sexiest grooming for the secret garden—full bush, landing strip, Brazilian or completely nude? Of course in trying to find the answer to this question, once more I turned to the internet. (What did people do before the internet? I’m sure this particular answer could not be found in the encyclopedia Britannica.) In my readings, most guys tended to answer that some trimming of the lawn is preferable. Many felt that complete hairlessness was not the best presentation but neither did they want to run their fingers through long, thick hair, unless it was on a woman’s head.

And what about men’s grooming downstairs? Once more, moderation seemed to be the key. Baldness around the penis may make a guy’s dick look bigger but the pre-pubescent base was not a turn-on for women. Rather short, trimmed hair seemed to be favored.

All of this reading caused me to consider the erotica which I write. There is never any description of hairy genitals, only slick, fully aroused labia lips, parted to reveal the little lady in the boat seeking immediate attention. Maybe it’s time that I gave aviation travel some attention by providing a landing strip. And guys’ missile launcher? Should I mention the neatly trimmed base and tank (testicles?) instead of concentrating on the thick, hard shaft? Let me tell you it’s erm…difficult not to. But I need to keep up with the times and the Guardian.

My personal opinion in this matter is that it will be a long time before we see the majority of women in the Lifestyle sporting the au natural look. Trimmed yes, but full unadorned garden, ala Demi Moore’s photo taken early in her career, not so much.

One thing that I do not agree with in the quest to be smooth and hairless is undergoing permanent solutions like laser hair removal. There may come a time that a woman could regret that decision. I’m a fan of moderation and choice.

Whether a woman’s mons is full bush, trimmed or contains just a strip of fluff, my preference is a smooth labia where the hottest sexual action is happening. Speaking from bi-sexual experience, I don’t want to do the ‘Larry David, pubic hair in the throat hacking’ and I am very visual. I like to see what I’m so apt to describe in my books—the slick, fully aroused pussy lips before I attend to the little woman in the boat with my tongue. And slipping my fingers into a slippery vagina…Let’s just say, hair pulling should only happen in BDSM.

What’s your opinion? Bald eagles or wooly mammoths?

 

Always,

Mia Moore

Social Media: Feel free to visit with me online!

My Blog: http://miamooreauthor.blogspot.ca/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mia.moore.7503314

Mia Moore Guest Post: Still In The Closet

Toronto swingers blog

My dear husband Spike and I talk.

A lot.

Because of changes in our lives over the last six months or so, we’re in each other’s back pockets pretty much 24/ 7. Until, that is, when I send him toddling off to the supermarket grocery shopping. I hate grocery shopping. Spike hates paying bills, so we came to an arrangement.

This past week we met two absolutely wonderful people who are committed Lifestylers. They’re open about their choices, and they are so vivacious that a room lights up when they enter it. They are as positive advocates of the Lifestyle, as Matt and Amanda are here.

I believe that the world truly needs more people like our new friends, more people like Matt and Amanda.

Which, got me thinking about how issues of sexuality are still so deeply in the closet in the vanilla world. (Please note: I use the term vanilla more as a term of convenience. I define vanilla as adhering to conventional standards. I’m not being pejorative when I use the term. Just sayin’.)

Spike and I have vanilla friends and family members who are incredibly dear to us. We share Holiday celebrations, birthdays, graduations and other events that shape and define our lives. With our friends, we talk about everything.

Erm… almost  everything.

None of our vanilla friends know that Spike and I are Lifestylers. Not one.

A perfect example is this past New Year’s Eve. Instead of going to the one or two celebrations here at home we were invited to, we decided to spend it in Toronto with our closest Lifestyle friends at the O Zone. Obviously, we had a blast—so wonderful, I wrote a novella about it!

And yet…

Not only could I not share my book with my vanilla friends (they don’t know a thing about my writing), I couldn’t share my fantastic experience at the club with them either.

It’s Just Not Done, you know what I mean? I suspect many of you do.

Just what would happen were we to disclose our participation in the Lifestyle?

One thing I’m confident of is that our vanilla friends would look at us differently. I’d be concerned that they would become afraid that we were either hitting on them, or perhaps trying to recruit them in some way or another. Even if I’m mistaken, I nevertheless believe that they would in some way not view us at the same level of positive regard they now hold us in.

In many ways, alternative sexuality is still buried in the closet. Despite the legal acceptance of gay marriage in so many jurisdictions, there are many LGBT people who prefer not coming out. Let alone people who play in the BDSM world. And, sadly, couples (and yes, singles) like us who play in the swinging world. We keep it under wraps, well Spike and I do, because we don’t want to deal with negative fallout. Who needs the complications?

Upon reflection, I’m both puzzled and annoyed.

I’m puzzled because our sex drive is a fundamental human trait. We’re hard wired to get laid people! Seriously, we’re as hard wired for arousal and orgasm as much as we’re hard wired in other areas. Our brains want to satiate other desires of course. Our desire to satisfy hunger and thirst, a need for shelter and a bond with others is built in.

As is our need for sex.

From a media perspective, things have come a long way. I do realize that there is programming available across all media—not just online. The infamous Dr. Ruth Westhiemer was cutting edge back in the 80’s with her radio program ‘Sexually Speaking’. Here in Canada, Sue Johansson and ‘Sex With Sue’ was available on both radio and television. On cable TV, there’s a lot of interesting programming, of course.

However, this is what I’m thinking about. Yes, sexually oriented programming, whether it’s ‘how to’ sort of stuff, or just downright entertainment is available much more so today than ever in history. I get that. The number of available programs are dwarfed by the number of cooking shows, do it yourself renovation shows, or even decorating shows.

And there’s another aspect, and this is the annoying part.

The HBO series ‘Game Of Thrones’ just finished its fourth season last week. It had millions upon millions of viewers (including yours truly who is so hot for both Jamie Lannister and Jon Snow). The chatter on the internet, or even at checkout counters at stores was noticeable. Water cooler discussions I’m sure abounded. People had a lot to talk about.

And when friends at work, or friends at home were finished discussing this topic, they’d go off on other topics. Such as cooking, decorating, sports or dealing with the kids.

But not about sex.

It’s the 21st Century. And not only did we NOT get the flying cars, our society at large is quite hung up on being open about sex. It’s a taboo subject between friends for the most part.

And what do we lose in this environment?

I think a lot.

We trade opinions, insights and tips about recipes, car repair, sports events without hesitation. I have learned and shared knowledge, insights with my vanilla friends in so many areas that have enriched my life. In this sharing, our friendships in the vanilla world has deepened, no question.

I wonder just how improved would marriages and other committed relationships be in the vanilla world become if friends could share aspects of their sexuality as easily?

What if guys could talk about Erectile Dysfunction as easily with their buddies as they are able to discuss a golf swing or analyze the shellacking the Rangers sustained from LA in the Stanley Cup?

What if women could discuss vaginal dryness during intercourse with their co-workers with the same ease as they can share recipes for baked ziti?

I truly believe that when such an environment comes into being, the world will be a better place. Primary relationships will have another source of support. Friendships will become even more meaningful and deep. The shade of love we currently share with our friends in the vanilla world will become richer and more complex in its texture.

And I’m annoyed.

With myself–that I’m too chicken shit to be a part of that growth.

Always,

Mia Moore

Social Media: Feel free to visit with me online!

My Blog: http://miamooreauthor.blogspot.ca/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mia.moore.7503314

Guest Post: Dealing with Jealousy

Toronto swingers blog

Green Eyed Monsters!

Perhaps the most common problem that comes up time and again on swinger’s forums is the jealousy issue.

Sociologists define jealousy as “… a protective reaction to a perceived threat to a valued relationship or to its quality.” (Clanton and Smith 1998)  Moreover, the more restrictive a society is about sexuality, the higher the experience of jealousy for the people in that society. For example, native Eskimos men would share their wife with a guest visiting them as a form of hospitality, thus experiencing no jealousy.

In the 1960’s, when the subset of Swingers formed within our culture, the restrictive rules regarding adultery for them, were, if not abandoned, then changed dramatically. Couples started to negotiate their own set of do’s and don’ts, when it came to sex with other partners.

In 2007, the ability of Swingers to manage jealousy was noted in the British Journal of Psychology (de Visser and McDonald) which noted that setting of specific rules was the key to managing sexual play.

I’m going to explore the two different aspects of jealousy in a relationship and offer some of my own strategies I and Spike, my husband, have employed.

The most important point I want to stress is that jealousy arising in the Lifestyle is perfectly natural. The uncommon thing is that people like us do pretty darn well managing it. Working through an issue like this is, I think, the biggest contributor to the deep intimacy that Swingers have in their relationship with their spouse or Significant Other.

Okay then, what are the aspects of the Green Eyed Monster?

Well, it has two heads. What I mean is that there are two aspects of jealousy; two shades of green.

One is personal, and the other is relational.

On the personal side, jealousy arises when one of the members of a couple feels inadequate. Personal insecurities about oneself are the root. I’ll set the stage. Imagine Spike and me are at a Meet and Greet. A couple has announced one at a local bar, and Spike and I decide to go. We’ve dressed up nicely, and have our super secret code word that will let others know that we’re from the forum. We arrive, and there’s a group of twenty or so couples there enjoying cocktails, flirting and getting to know one another better.

I look the room over and see a guy who’s George Clooney’s clone. Sorry, but I have a thing about George Clooney. If you’ve read some of my books you’ll see that he pops up every now and then. I elbow my husband, and say something like “Let’s go say hi to those two.”

He looks over at them and says “Nope. He’s too damn good looking for my comfort.”

Okay, what just happened? Spike compared himself to that other fellow and in his own mind and came up wanting. Spike’s focusing on his own perceptions of his appearance, and is intimidated. In spite of what a wise man once said to never compare yourself to others, for you will always find greater and lesser persons than yourself, that’s what Spike did.

Now what do I do?

What I do at times like these (okay, what I TRY to remember to do) are two things. First of all, acknowledge what Spike just said, but secondly, change the focus. The acknowledgement is because I love and respect my husband; and if he’s feeling a little shaky or something and mentions it, I want him to know that I heard him.

The change of focus is my effort to get him out of the headspace he’s in.

So I would say something like:

“Yeah, he IS handsome. I hope he’s a good dancer, because you are.”

“Yes, he’s handsome, but you have nicer eyes. I wonder what HER favorite movie is?”

My goal is to acknowledge his insecurity, and at the same time, change his focus somewhat. Where the conversation between us goes from there can be anywhere, sure. The important point is a conversation was started.

Now here’s a second scenario. I know that I’m the only woman in the world this has happened to… yeah, right! LOL

We’re at this Meet N Greet, and somehow, Spike and I are separated, and when I see him, he’s on the opposite side of the room, chatting and laughing with a couple I don’t know, and I’m over here, BY MYSELF. And girls, let’s face it- IF HE REALLY LOVED ME…

I’m exaggerating here (a little) to make a point. My point is that in the majority of the cases, the PERCIEVED threat to the relationship doesn’t exist. Yes, Spike did something that I didn’t like. Yes, Spike was a little thoughtless. Here’s the thing- he won’t know unless I tell him.

And when I do tell him (he has a tendency to do this sort of thing, social butterfly that he is) he apologizes and sticks closer to me. We actually have a rule about that, but sometimes people forget or get distracted. That’s why they invented traffic tickets after all.

Setting aside the dynamics of jealousy, whether it is low self esteem or a valued relationship becoming threatened, the common and most effective advice in dealing with jealousy is communication. Whether you are entering the lifestyle or have been a member for a while and are experiencing feelings of jealousy, you have to talk to your partner.

Explain the scenario and then break it down into segments in order to be specific and measurable. Is it one person your partner plays with, that sets the feelings off? Is it the length of time and the degree of attention your partner is giving her/him? Do you play together as a couple or separate in a social gathering? Is it in a group setting or when it’s just a foursome or threesome?

These types of discussions need to be specific; I can’t emphasize that enough.

Here are examples of some rules that Spike and I agree with. I would never go have coffee with the male half of a couple we play with. That’s a rule we established very early on. Obviously, another guideline is to stick close to each other in new situations. A M/G at a new location is an example. Now if it’s the third time or so that we’ve been there, it’s more like getting together at a friend’s home and that guideline can be relaxed.

Here’s a question—if you and your SO were at a club, and a guy came up and asked the female part of your couple to dance, would you?

What if it was a woman asking the male half of your couple?

What if it was a woman asking the gal to dance?

And finally, why or why not would you agree to do so? I’ve given a few examples of things that can and do happen just to sort of prime the pump. BEEE CAWSSSE… as always, it’s the communication between you and your SO that’s the key to enjoyment.

Once you’ve narrowed down the situation or people who are triggering jealous feelings, you can work at creating a framework for play that you are both comfortable with. This isn’t an area where you can take one for the team. Both partners must be honest, open and respect each other’s boundaries.

When Spike and I first got into the Lifestyle, we were nervous and excited. But we each knew we were carrying a can of gasoline with a lit cigarette in our mouth—one wrong move and things can go very bad. Communication, before attending an event is critical for the sake of your relationship, which of course is paramount. In your relationship, you make love with your partner. In Swinging you are engaging in sexual play, a whole more fun than a bridge club for sure, but almost the same dynamic.

Aside from communication, patience and understanding there’s no easy band-aid for the problem of jealousy. It’s bound to come up and it hurts.  What could be worse than leaving a club in a snit, going home to argue for 2 hours, spending a sleepless night and then getting up the next morning to pick up the pieces?

And you tried swinging to enhance your relationship!

Maybe, you stepped too quickly into deeper water and need to take a step back to the comfort zone you both agree on.  In a social setting, there’s nothing wrong with just being with each other or soft swinging.  A HUGE attraction for Spike and I to the first couple we played with was the fact that they were so in love with each other. For a person dipping their toe in hedonistic waters, another couple’s strong relationship is reassuring and disintegrates any niggles of jealousy.

When the talking’s done with love and respect, the playing’s a lot more rewarding. The closeness that you and your SO share communicates to your playmates.

And I love being fucked by a good looking guy!

Always,

Mia Moore

Social Media: Feel free to visit with me online!

My Blog: http://miamooreauthor.blogspot.ca/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mia.moore.7503314