Small Steps- Some thoughts about a first time visit from a member

Toronto swingers blog

Hi Everyone!

I’m Mia Moore, and I am so grateful to be invited by Matt and Amanda to make post on this great blog. Anyone who’s reading this and has been to any of the TABOTA events, or attended the O Zone, know that there are great times, lots of laughter, and a night of erotic adventure! My post today is my take on those of you (or those you may know, don’t be shy to forward this blog to your friends) who have yet to Take A Bite. You’re at the edge of the pool, and would love to jump in… but, just how the heck do you?

When it comes to swimming, I’m a jump into the deep end kind of girl. But!

When it comes to my marriage, my committed relationship, I’m a small step woman. New things, big changes in this area are better done in small increments.

So! You and your Significant Other have talked about ‘maybe… just maybe…’ attending a Couple’s Club. You want to try something different, add some heat to your marriage, or maybe you’re crossing things off a bucket list. You’ve come down to an either or—‘Honey, we flip this coin, and either we go zip lining, or we’re going to attend the O Zone’. Hey, I’ve done both, and they’re both thrilling! Scary and exciting at the same time, you know?

So now you’re going to attend!

Okay… now what do you do?

First thing is set a date. I suggest a Saturday night, because they’re pretty much only couple’s nights. So you’ve decided that say, next week, you’re going to go. What the heck do you do between now and then? Maybe you’ve watched some hot porn together. Maybe you read a book or articles about what to expect. Information is a great tool.

Most importantly though, is to talk to each other. Honestly, I can’t over emphasize how important communication is. Here’s the great thing—before my husband and I attended a Couple’s Club for the first time, we talked about many, many things. Sometimes the discussion got a little intimidating because we were talking about our sex life and our intimate relationship. I want to shout from the rooftops that it was a wonderful and rewarding exercise.

Through our conversations, I learned so much more about him, and us, and how our relationship works.

What sort of things to talk about? Well, let’s take the bull by the hornies and look at some topics we explored. This is just a single example. Your Mileage May Vary.

Jealousy was one of the first topics. I have a trait of being insecure at times. It’s neither good nor bad, it’s the way I am. My husband isn’t as insecure as I am in certain ways, he has other traits. And we explored what could be my triggers and how could we deal with them?

For example, my husband asked me how would I feel if he slow danced with someone at the club? My gut response was strongly against the idea. Most importantly, I told him.

Then I turned the tables on him! LOL. ‘What if I slow danced with some guy, hunh?’ I asked. Grrrr… I found out it was a hot idea for him. Which then led to me saying that he didn’t care about me as much as I cared about him…

Which led to a deeper, more intense discussion. (Cough, cough). I learned that he’s not as insecure as me in this sort of way. To him, a dance is a dance—he knows who I’m going home with. His hot buttons are different. I learned that he’d be hurt, then angry if I ever went on a coffee date with a guy without him knowing. He could get jealous, but it would be different things that would set that off.

See how such a conversation can be wonderful?

We explored other topics too. Like body image issues—my spreading butt and his bit of a pot belly. Or, another example, how would we feel if we both got hit on? Or… how would we feel if we didn’t? LOL

So the take away, is talk! Imagine situations, and ask each other how would you handle it.

From our talking about this (oh, and btw, the week before we went for the first time, was incredible sex every night; an extra bonus!) we then set up a short list of rules we promised we’d abide by. We kept the list short (just three items) so that nobody could say ‘I forgot’! LOL

Rule 1

The bail out. If, for whatever reason… and I really mean that… whatever reason one of us doesn’t want to be there any more, we leave. Immediately. With ABSOLUTELY no recriminations from our partner. You see, it’s only fun if both of us are on the same page. And if we’re not, then it’s not fun for US. And it’s the ‘us’ part that brought us there, right? Right.

Rule 2

Stick Together. Unless I’m either at the washroom or standing at the bar getting a drink, we’re side by side the entire night. No wandering or exploring or anything. Someone starts to chat with me while I’m at the bar, as soon as my drink’s in my hand, toodle oo. Maybe it might come off as a little rude, but if it’s a rule, then it’s a rule.

Rule 3

Stretch Clause. If all’s going well, we agree that we’ll at least go into the play area. You have to strip down to a towel. Maybe we’ll make out with each other (or more….!) or just watch. But it’s an exciting thing to look forward to.

Okay then, you’ve talked each other’s ears off. You’ve made some rules, and you’re going. Now what?

Dress and clothing. What do I wear?

For your first time—attractive, but not necessarily alluring. Leave the skin tight, low cut knit dress at home. A nice skirt and top, low heels is fine for the first time. You can always amp it up when you go back! Guys, no jeans. NO sneakers for God’s sake! Shirt with a collar.


This is probably one of the most important topics to discuss. If you’re half as nervous as I was the first night, you’re going to need two, maybe three drinks as soon as you guys get there! And that’s fine, but afterwards, watch the drinking. Pace yourselves!

I can’t overemphasize this. Have a couple to take the edge off, sure. But after that, pace yourselves. Under no circumstances get drunk! It affects (cough, cough) performance, should that come up (cough cough) but more importantly, it increases the odds of doing something you’d regret. Every time… every single time I witnessed a couple not having a good time, it was because one or both had too much to drink and something happened that set off the nerves.

At the risk of being too detailed oriented, I’m going to talk about what you can do when you’re there.

First of all, the people watching is the best! People on the dance floor become more and more uninhibited as the night wears on. If they have ‘body shots’ the night you’re there, it’s a hoot, and also incredibly erotic.

The DJ at the O Zone is awesome. You’ll be tempted to dance as much as you ever have. And you can practice your filthiest, dirtiest dancing you’ve ever imagined, and probably not get more than a second glance! I love dancing, and I love dancing at the O Zone more than any other place.

Expect to be checked out, hey, it is a sensual environment! But, also (and this is one of the most wonderful paradoxes about the O Zone) expect to be treated with as much respect and consideration as you would at a Church meeting. I’m not kidding!

Anyone that says ‘Hi!’ to you is not looking to jump in the sack. That was something that took me a while to understand. People are just friendly. They enjoy meeting new people as much as anyone else! What my husband Spike and I did say when we met new people was tell them we’re new and that the most we were ready for was soft swinging if that.

I didn’t mind saying my first time that the idea of getting naked in front of strangers was kind of scary. Which is ironic, because by the end of that first night, I tried walking to the bar topless, so things change!

One of our rules that my husband and I have had so far is that we don’t… erm… ‘Pick Up’ at the club. What I mean is that we don’t have sex with people we meet at the O Zone for the first time. We’ll dance, sure, and chat, sure, and get contact information SURE! It’s great having names and faces. But we don’t play the first time we meet new people. Even now, four years of being in the Lifestyle.

Again, Your Mileage May Vary.

At the end of the night, and the next morning, we talked a lot again. What did we enjoy the most? What could have been better? What would we like to do the next time we go?

And our sex life took a huge, stratospheric leap in frequency, passion and intimacy.

Finally, you don’t have to do it all the first time you visit the O Zone. They’re a great club, and will be glad to see you again, okay?

Go visit, take a walk on the wild side, and be prepared to have a great time with a group of great people. The O Zone will take care of the rest!

So what would you advise someone who was thinking about going to a Couple’s Club? Put them in the comments!


Mia Moore

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