Tag Archives: lifestyle

Attending The O Zone for the First Time? Some Timely Info!

Image of woman holding glass of wine.

A woman at a club having a conversation.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just because a couple attend a swingers club or party does not necessarily label them as swingers, or indeed even interested in a non-monogamous exchange. In fact, many couples don’t swap at all, and only go to these events for their own benefits. That might be to:

  • reconnect with their partner
  • practice flirting
  • dress up in sexy outfits that they can’t wear anywhere else (costumes, lingerie)
  • Socialize with other sexy, like minded people
  • Fuel their own sexual energy
  • Increase confidence
  • See how other open minded married couples are expanding their horizons

 

One couple mentioned they go to The O Zone just so they don’t have to go to public bars or clubs and hang out with drunken young people where they might feel judged.

Communication is key here, not just with your partner but with anyone else who might be interested in you, socially or more. Talk to your partner before arriving and decide just what CAN happen on your first visit, whether that means ‘no touching others’ or ‘flirting is fine’, but clear communication is best.

You may not know what your reaction will be to seeing your partner interacting or flirting with others, so prearrange a signal that only your partner and you know that will let you express concern without alerting others to your issues.

Many couples decide to attend a swing party or club to help re-spark their sex life. It can certainly do this, but without care, it can also damage or end a long term relationship, so take it in baby steps: on your first visit, consider taking the first step only, which might be interacting sexually with your partner only. Watch others, talk about what you see, discuss with your partner the things you would like to try, dance, socialize, ask questions. On your second visit, take the next small step: maybe that’s flirting openly with others. Discuss this with your partner before making contact with others, just to be sure.

Jealousy is common in the swing community, so doing your best to keep that green eyed monster from rearing up goes a long way to protecting your relationship. Your partner should come first and foremost over any other interaction you might be able to engage in. Protect your marriage!

The respect and acceptance level of the guests who attend The O Zone parties makes everyone feel welcome and at ease, and if you have questions or concerns the owners and the Hosts are available to answer them and help you in whatever ways you need.

The club is large enough, with plenty of social areas, seating and a large dance floor so you can find your own perfect niche. Invite another couple to join you for a drink and chat away the evening, or wrap around each other and have a hot make out session. The club is there for you and your desires and only you know what those are. Be honest with yourself and your partner, communicate openly, and see where it might lead you! Good luck and enjoy!

 

Mia Moore Guest Post: About The “Lifestyle” Umbrella Term

Toronto swingers blog

When you hear the term ‘Lifestyle’, generally the concept refers to alternative sexuality—alternative to vanilla. But if you used the word when speaking with an aficionado of the BDSM world the mental image is much different than the one a swinger would immediately call to mind.

Both worlds are cornerstones of each end of the spectrum. If I were to use a colour wheel, BDSM would be a deep, almost black shade of red, while swinging would be orange tiptoeing into yellow.

I’ve experienced both sides in the dynamic of ‘Lifestyle’. It’s been my experience that the BDSM folks characterize their play as deeply sexual and erotic, involving the largest sexual organ in the body—the mind. TRUST is a huge element in the dynamic between a Dominant and submissive. A paradox that I noticed in BDSM, involves the power exchange. While the submissive person, bound and whipped appears to be the least powerful in a BDSM scene, they actually hold the most power. Either of the two parties can halt the scene at their discretion but in order for the scene to happen, the submissive needs to trust and surrender for it to begin in the first place.

Okay, so what has this got to do with swinging? This is a blog about swinging, right?

Trust is a huge element in the Swinging lifestyle as well. For a couple to delve into sexual activity with other people, they must trust in the strength of their relationship. Both people in that couple must desire the experience as a way to enhance their relationship. Like the BDSM participants, both hold the power to halt further action if the trust or attraction isn’t there.

For many purists in the BDSM lifestyle, physical sex does not enter into a scene. Yet, ask a person who’s been involved in BDSM for a while and they will tell you it is HIGHLY sexual, the interplay between a Dominant and submissive. The act of surrendering power, allowing yourself to experience pain, at the hands of another is the ultimate sexual release, involving your mind and soul. I have witnessed the powerful state of a submissive beaten to the point where they ‘fly’ or enter sub-space, so I believe this to be true.

For me, the feeing most akin to this in the swinging lifestyle is the closeness a couple experience when they watch each other achieve orgasm at the hands of another. What could be a devastating scenario if done in a strictly monogamous, vanilla couple relationship, becomes a powerful connection between partners in a swinging couple. The foreplay and afterplay in the weeks before and after such an event are like shock-waves, that bond and excite the swinging couple.

Although the BDSM world and the swinging stage seem to be polar opposites, there are elements of commonality in my mind. People in the Lifestyle, and please note I use the term as an umbrella term that encompasses both ends of the spectrum, tend to be open and accepting of diverse behavior in the sexual realm. Of course, consent between adult people is a given—anything other than this cannot enter the picture.

I’ll always remember an incident when I first discovered the BDSM side of the Lifestyle. An older man responded to my question about one of the guys at the party, who wore what appeared to be a leather skirt. It was my first party, okay? Anyway, his answer was off-hand, casual and accepting of the guy’s kink. Oh wow! Would, that society as a whole be so non-judgmental… Maybe gay bashing and other narrow, mean spirited behavior would never occur.

People in the Lifestyle usually don’t advertize that fact. Just as homosexual men and women once left the closet at their peril, the public acceptance of Lifestylers isn’t quite there yet. I foresee a time when it will be. Remember, it wasn’t that long ago that being gay carried a huge stigma. Today, there are popular television programs where a gay couple is the star of the show. Who would have guessed thirty years ago that this would happen?

Styles change, morals evolve over time. Does it mean we’re all going to hell in a hand basket? I don’t think so. Perhaps we’re just growing up as a society, learning that there are alternatives to the ways and experiences of the past.

I think Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr. said it best:

“A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions.”

Always,

Mia Moore

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