Tag Archives: Newbies

How to “Dress To Impress” for Men

Man adjusting his collar of a suit jacket

What we wear to a Lifestyle event sets the tone for an evening out when meeting new people. Wearing comfortable street clothes can tell others that you couldn’t be bothered to dress up for the occasion, and that might translate into others thinking you might not be the most dynamic lover. On the other hand, dressing up and paying attention to details can communicate to others that you are an attentive lover with an eye on detail. It’s all in the perception.

Of course, at a house or pool party, the dress code may call for casual clothing, so do consider that. But at classier house, hotel and private parties, and especially at swinger clubs, the “Dress to Impress” credo is important to follow if you want to impress and connect with others.

We found a forum post on swingersboard.com that talks about this, so we thought we’d use it as a basis for this blog post. You can see the whole thread here, but the following excerpts are taken from there, as we thought the poster had some great advice for men! Of course, we added our own input as well to round out the topic.

First, things to avoid when ‘Dressing to Impress’.

  • Running shoes. If you wear them to the grocery store, to cut the grass or to walk the dog, it’s not appropriate. We also suggest avoiding flip flops and cheap sandals, as this does not read as ‘sexy’, just ‘comfortable’.
  • Ball caps. Even if you wear a hat daily or it’s your favorite team, leave it at home. If you must wear a hat, make it fun and creative, like a fedora. It will cover your bald spot just as well and could be a good conversation starter.
  • Especially worn, torn and/or faded denim. Again, if you lounge around your home in them, cut the grass or go camping in them, they are not for the club. The only jeans you should consider – and again, we suggest you just avoid denim altogether as it is not a dressy material – would be designer jeans that fit you properly.

Now, on to the great suggestions:

  • Shoes. These are your foundation. They should be comfortable (nothing sexy about a grimacing face on the dance floor), and easy to move in. Leather or suede show class and taste, although many men’s shoe choices are fabric now. Choices could be: dress shoes, or on-trend slip-ons, chukka’s, ankle boots and the like are a start.
  • Socks. They need to have been purchased sometime in the last 2 years. Don’t be afraid of colors, and fun patterns that can also be a good conversation starter. Black shoes = black/grey/navy base socks. Brown shoes = brown/tan/earth tone socks.

Brown leather mens shoes and a matching belt

  • Belt. Should RELATE to the shoe color. Leather is best. Wider belts on less dressy pants and even jeans can elevate the look. Bling or a fun buckle can be good, but don’t go overboard with size or flash. Subtle is better. And hey, this could have the ladies looking down at your crotch. That can’t be a bad thing!
  • Underwear. Bought in the last year. Don’t be afraid to go with bold colors or prints. Black is a sure bet and looks great on everyone. Try fitted ‘boy shorts’ or boxer briefs with a little elastic in the fabric to keep its shape. These really hug the boys, give support and look great when flaccid or aroused. Boxers may be more comfortable, but not nearly so sexy when disrobing in the playroom. And let’s face it… you love it when she’s wearing something sexy under that dress…. why not have a sexy surprise for her too?
  • Pants. Lots of options here, in color, fabric, and cut. Avoid denim as previously stated. Pleated fronts are not flattering and make the wearer balloon out unnaturally in the middle, creating an unflattering profile. Flat front pants are more flattering on more body types. Casual chic dress slacks that aren’t business focused are everywhere these days and look great. Dress flat-front Khaki’s in non-tan colors are popular and look good. A slack with some pattern that is subtle can also be nice. If you’re only going to get one pair, black goes with everything. But colors can be fun too: reds, burgundy, greens, dark brown, etc.
  • Shirts. Way more options here. Dress To Impress usually implies a shirt with a collar, so avoid T-shirts. Think non-button-down collared dress shirts (the kind without buttons on the collar), which can be suit dressy, or casual without a tie. Our original poster suggests avoiding Polo shirts, even though they are collared, as they belong on the golf course. But, if the choice is between a T and a Polo, then go with the collar. Another suggestion is a black stretch T, which means ‘fitted’, under an open, button-down knit. This adds a nice layered effect and can hide a few extra pounds. Consider wearing something that has a slight texture to it. The ladies may be drawn to touch it, and who doesn’t like a little contact
  • Jacket. Weather will dictate this. Try a nice, unstructured blazer. The fit is key, guys. Don’t go a size larger, as this just reads as ‘dumpy’.
  • Accessorize. Have a nice watch? Wear it, it speaks volumes. Most people use their phones as their timepiece, but in a busy club many people won’t have theirs on hand, so this could be a good ice breaker. “Excuse me, do you have the time?”
  • Finishing Touches. (directly from the original post, cuz hey! We agree wholeheartedly!) “Your feet are self-pedicured. Your fingernails are clean, clipped close, and looking good. You are always shower fresh and not heavily fragranced. And your oral hygiene (that means floss and tongue scraper) is impeccable.”

A man who dresses sharply and takes pride in his appearance translates to ‘this is a man who cares about his partner and will pay attention to detail in his lovemaking too.’ We assure you, the ladies will take notice!

Swinger Dictionary

An image of a book highlighting the word Dictionary

There are a lot of words used in the swinging Lifestyle that you may be unfamiliar with. Here are some of those, and an explanation.

Swingers – Non-monogamous people looking for sexual interaction, at least on some level, with others that are not their spouse. Swingers are most commonly committed or married couples, but singles can also partake in the swinging lifestyle.

Soft Swap – Meaning no penetrative sex, but most other sexual acts are open for negotiation, such as flirting, kissing, oral or mutual masturbation.

Full Swap – Interested in any or all sexual acts, including penetration.

Same Room – Couples who are interested in playing with others but in the same room where they can make eye contact with their partner.

Compersion – The opposite of jealousy. The feeling of excitement and fulfillment for your partner while they play with others.

Ellis (LS) – A universal way of asking another if they are swingers. “Do you know Ellis?” Some also use “Alice”, both sound like “LS”. LS = Lifestyle

Unicorn – A single, bisexual woman interested in playing with and having sex with couples.

Bull – A single man, usually well hung, who is interested in penetrative sex with women, often while the husband watches.

Cuckold – A married man who watches nearby as his wife has sex with another man, but usually does not become involved.

Hotwife – A wife who will have sex with other men, often while her husband is nearby. A hotwife is often insatiable, wanting and needing more sex than her partner.

Monogamish – A couple who attend events to flirt and meet others but rarely play might consider themselves ‘monogamish’, meaning mostly monogamous.

Swingle – A single that wishes to attend a couples event will invite a single of the opposite sex to attend with them, and they become ‘swingles’, even though they attend the event together.

Negotiation – Speaking clearly and plainly about what it is you are looking for, listening to what they want, and agreeing to a plan everyone likes.

Comet – A person that passes through your life quickly and is gone. Comets are popular on vacation, where you may not ever see them again.

Swinger Soup – A pool or hot tub that is full to capacity with swingers socializing, flirting and playing.

We hope this list helps you to understand some of the lingo used by swingers today, and that some potentially resonate with you!

Turn Offs in Women in the Swing Lifestyle

I came across a Forum on a Swinger Dating site, and after running through more than 60 responses I figured this would be a good thing to consolidate and share with you!

The question is: What Turn Offs do you find in Women in the Lifestyle?

In most cases, I was unable to determine if it was a man or woman responding to the question, but at least a few were definitely female responses. I’m sure most of this list applies to turn-offs in women AND men, so guys, listen up too!

In the first category, these issues were mentioned often and were repeated by others.

A row of smiling beings with one unhappy one

Bad Attitude

Predominant Turn Offs:
Poor, Pissy or Pretentious attitude, being rude
Poor hygiene, smelly/BO, smelling of smoke
Lying, spreading rumors, speaking poorly/rudely about others
Speaking badly about their own bodies, poor self-image

A woman in a hoodie smoking a cigarette

A smelly habit

Things on the Secondary list were mentioned at least twice but not as often as the first group.

Secondary Turn Offs:
Clingy, jealousy, Drama Queens
Say they are ready but aren’t, can’t communicate what she wants
Strong perfume, heavy makeup, lipstick
Smelling of alcohol or cigarettes
Poor grooming, unshaved/unruly hair
Teasers, mind games
Lack of subtlety, pushy, rude, arrogance
Attention seekers, need to be center of attention
Being drunk or high

Honorable Mentions: (only mentioned in one response)
Fake nails, wigs/weaves
Jewelry like a Xmas tree
Ugly feet
Perfume and lipstick
“lacking a pulse”/dead fish

Funny that there is nothing in this list that state size, race, color, age, stretch marks, scars or any of the other hangups so many of us have are a turn-off. So perhaps the problem is our own and not that of the general swinger population. If you have low self-esteem, keep it to yourself.

It seems that most of this list is manageable, and are things one can change to make themselves more attractive. Check your attitude at the door, ditch the artificial scent (most prospective play partners would rather smell YOU than your perfume) and put your best foot forward! (of course, we can’t do anything about the feet we were born with. I think the “ugly feet” comment was probably from a foot fetishist!)

If you are new to this lifestyle, maybe this will help you in beginning your exploration.

Perhaps this insight will help you in your quest for marital bliss. Or at least swingers bliss!